My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
