Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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