you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
