so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
