You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
