I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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