Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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