after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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