Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
