Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
