i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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