I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
