It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Who did Billy Mays play for?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize