I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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