Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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