So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
