My friends, they love my intelligence
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize