A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
