All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
whose parrot is this?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize