Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
