I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
