Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Randomize
