shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
