I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
