Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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