a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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