I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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