I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
