My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
