airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
