I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
