I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
