i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
