does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
