Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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