He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
