He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Found the puke drawer
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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