So drunk its hurt
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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