Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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