so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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