Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
