You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sober January is a disaster.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
