They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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