how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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