Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Randomize
