haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
