So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
MIDGETS
????
Randomize
