I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
