i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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