Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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