i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
