Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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