i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm at about main and main street
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
