This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
not ubering you a puppy
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize