I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
