I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
