i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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