ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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