I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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