I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize