Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
