I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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