you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
