I want to walk on stilts...naked
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
