Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize