DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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