You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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